My Friend of Memory

For many years I have wondered whatever happened to my very first best friend, the one I had in 1st grade – my friend of memory.  Over the years as the internet world grew, I would search for her name every once in a while just to see if she could be found.  But she has a name that a many other people have as well. I truly never thought I would find her again, that she would be a wonderful memory of time gone by.

I had an incident several months ago when someone liked my blog that had the same name.  It was surreal, hoping that this person would be my lost friend.  But after looking at her page I knew that she was not, she had married into the name.  It was a huge let down.  Thinking that she -my friend of memory – was found out of pure coincidence. I can’t describe the highs and lows of my feelings at that time.  It was such a mixture of joy and sadness.  It was a rush of feelings that flew over me so quickly that my heart was racing.  Hoping and praying that this person was her, that she had found me instead.

It wasn’t until recently that I even know if she were still alive.  Then, out of nowhere I found her sister.  I had found her sister once before many years ago and we were in contact for a while but she disappeared out of my life again soon after finding her. I never knew why she disappeared I just hoped that someday I would find her again. The magic of social media has made that possible. Many years ago when I found the sister, I don’t remember asking about my friend of memory.  I think deep down inside I knew if she was gone the sister would have told me.  By not asking I never had to know.

Since I have found her through the magic of social media, I have not contacted my friend of memory. Maybe it is out of fear. Or maybe out of not wanting to know if she even remembers me.  Does she have the fond memories of me that I do of her?  Will contacting her cause her to disappear again?  I won’t chance it. I think that this is a friendship that if it is to be, it will happen through her contacting me.

I always thought that the reason the friend of my memory’s family disappeared from our lives so suddenly was because of my family.  They moved almost as far away from New Mexico as they possibly could and still be in the United States.  I hope that is not true, that the only reason they moved so far away was because of jobs and to be closer to their own family.  The thought that the dysfunction that was my family could touch the life of my friend of memory is distressing.  I am praying that the beautiful hearts of my friend and her family were not touched by the darkness.

For now it is enough to know that she is alive and well.  It looks like she is happy and has a wonderful family of her own.  She, My Friend of Memory, is alive. She is still in this world. She has never been and will never be forgotten.  She is still, to me, the dark haired, freckle faced little girl that was my first bestest friend in the world. She is my Friend of Memory.

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