New Word of the Year

It is 1:04pm EST, and I have been looking back on my year.  I chose two words for the year, Release and Forgiveness.  I haven’t actively thought about them every day during my day to day meanderings this year.  I know they are there though. They have been working on me without myself realizing they are.

The first word is release.  I chose to continue using release from the year before, because it was working. One of my goals with this word was to continue releasing all the pent up anger and emotions through writing the remainder of my autobiography.  But for most of the year I have let the book sit unfinished and unopened.  I know that this book has been very beneficial to me.  I have truly released a large majority of my anger issues during the writing of this book.  I am finding healing in just getting the memories out of my head and onto paper.  So even though I haven’t thought about that word much this year it has been working it’s magic in the background of my thoughts.

I have been working on the forgiveness word as part of the steps in my recovery.  So I couldn’t put that one aside for very long through out the year as I needed to make progress in this step. I needed to make a conscious attempt at working on all types of forgiveness. Forgiveness for others, forgiveness for myself, and seeking forgiveness from others.  That is a lot to think about.  But what I have found myself doing since I started actively making this word a part of my life is asking others forgiveness and apologizing as soon as I can when I am in the wrong.

There have been times this year that I have apologized for something that I have done and that person continues to harbor the anger.  I find that their response or lack of response doesn’t bother me. I have apologized  and that is all that matters.  What they do with it is their choice. What I have learned is that I am not responsible for others thoughts and actions, I can only change me and I am liking the me I am changing into.

It’s time for a new word so this year I am going to chose the word PROCRASTINATION for my word in 2016.  This is a word that I am going to have to actively fight.  It is ingrained in me.  I see myself in a boxing ring with heavy weight gloves on giving it a huge one-two punch.  I use procrastination as a shield.  It is there to make things not change.  If I don’t do something or put something off for the next day, week, year, it won’t change the status quo.  It won’t make my life better or different. But the biggest reason for keeping the shield of procrastination in place is to let me continue to hide from a number of things.  Fear of change.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of failure.  Fear of success.  Fear of the future.  Fear of the past.  Procrastination is a great shield.  It is a change stopper.

I would like to say that this is the year that I will finish my autobiography.  But I am not going to make that promise.  I am going to say that I won’t put it off for month after month like I did this past year.  I have written the majority of the bad stuff now, I don’t know why I am putting off writing about the good stuff.  Except there is that one little bit of writing that I can’t get around.  I need answers that I know I won’t get.  I need information that is too expensive to get.  That one bad spot has stopped me in my tracks and emotionally, mentally I can’t write the good stuff until this bad stuff is finished.  The good stuff is my reward to myself for finishing the bad stuff.

See sometimes PROCRASTINATION is protection.  If I put it off long enough then before long, time has passed and nothing changes.  My life as I know it stays the same.  Drama free. Anger free.  Issue free. Change free.

Here’s to breaking the chains of procrastination and to facing the future head on, boxing gloves at the ready. Stepping out in faith knowing that God’s Got This!

 

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