Life’s Pathways

I read a post today from a dear friend that set me to thinking.  She is always in constant pain from fibromyalgia and struggling to see where God is; in this plan of His for her life.  We all do that to one extent or another.  We think that what we are doing doesn’t matter in the grander scheme of things. How can I make a difference?  How will what I do or say really change the world?  What we fail to do, is look outside of the us that we know (our own little sphere of reality) and try to see things from the prospective of someone looking in and watching our witness.  I pray that she will be able to find her way as she travels down her road of learning and listening.

We all choose different pathways in life.  Whether it is seeking fame or fortune, or searching for that perfect family, or trying to obtain that perfect job; it really doesn’t matter where we are on our path. We are all there in the same place in one way or another.

I work full time, so last year I decided to slow down on my blog posts so that I could write my story.  My history as I knew it. I just knew that this was what God wanted me to do.  I was to write my story and then go out and share it with the world.  However, I got bogged down. I got stuck.  I couldn’t get past that one piece of time that was so traumatic, that I quit.  I put down my pen and paper and said not now; maybe not ever.  That doesn’t mean I failed.  Because I didn’t.  Just writing what I wrote was healing for me.  I have never felt so whole before in my life. Even that isn’t the right word.  I can’t explain the feeling.  My mind isn’t running in circles trying to remember or not remember what happened.  I wrote all that I could remember down, so it is no longer clogging up my mind with memories.  I try to search for the anger that kept me focused on unforgiveness and I just can’t find it anymore.  For the first time in my life I feel at peace with my childhood memories both the good and the bad.

It was an eventful childhood full of color, laughter, anger, love, hate, rage, all the colors of what we call life. I don’t regret any of it now.  Going through those things is what has shaped me into the person I am today.  Am I perfect now?  Not by a long shot! But, I am one step closer to being the person I truly want to be. I am closer to being the person God created me to be.

Here is a small picture of my childhood:  The 5 good parts (my siblings) I am the one with the blondest hair in all the pictures:

1969 Marletta, Charlene At first it was my older sister M. and me. 1970 Santa, Charlene, Tina, Marletta Then two years later we added another sister T. and then there were three.

1973 Charlene, Roseann, Tina, MarlettaWe couldn’t stop there, four years later, another sister, R. was added, then there were 4.   1975 Roseann, Marletta, Roseann, Joy, CharleneBut four definitely wasn’t enough, two years later, we added one more sister, J.  Then there were 5.  Five girls surely that was enough, but it wasn’t.

1977 Tina, Charlene, Marletta, Daniel, Joy, Roseannll months later we added one more: A brother; our baby brother D. Finally a boy, that was definitely enough.

1970 CharleneI couldn’t resist, I had to share me and Mrs. Beasley (I still have her thanks to my sister M. who kept her for me).

This round about path takes me to my new pathway.  When I put down the pen and decided not to finish the book, I picked up a different pen and started a new book.  This one was one filled with creativity and joy and happiness.  I wrote and illustrated a children’s book this year. It took me 6 months to complete all the illustrations and another month to get the story down right.  The book is now sitting somewhere deep in the halls of the Library of Congress waiting on a copyright certificate to be issued.  Oh my, almost there.  In this process I learned that it could take up to 13 months to get my certificate. However searching on the help page of tonight I learned that I don’t have to wait on my certificate to be published.  It says that the effective date of registration is the day on which the package was delivered and received in their office.  My book arrived there on August 20th.

What does that mean to me?  It means like another dear friend recently told me, I need to come out of hiding.  I have spent most of my life hiding, protecting myself, cocooning in my own little world. Fearful of stepping out of the box that I have created.   I can’t procrastinate any longer.  I have no more excuses.  It is just me and my fears that are blocking the process.

So let me introduce you to my newest imaginary friend.  She was so fun to draw.  Here is “Gemma, the Sweater Loving Giraffe” on the cover of her book.  She goes on so many adventures with her friends in this book.

0 CoverShe is getting ready to go on some more adventures, as very soon the process will begin again with a second book.

This is not the pathway I envisioned years ago.  But I am definitely on it.  I am going to step way out of my comfort zone for this one.  But, I am going to let God guide me along the way so when I stumble and shake in my fear, I will be able to over come it because he is there.


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Indigojade Art by Lisa Hetrick

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