Organizing the Chaos in My Mind

I like piles, piles make me comfortable.  I can enclose myself in them and nothing can interfere with my space.  Don’t mess with my pile either, I know what is there and where I need to look for something specific.  If the pile needs to be removed please let me do that.  What is important to me may not and most likely is not important to you.  Right now my table space (the dining room table) is surrounded by piles of pens and some other stuff of various stages of importance.  Most of the time I keep my piles next to me on the table, but then something happens, like we invite people over for dinner and I have to move my piles.  That’s when the junk truly gets separated from the important things. And a lot of things that I thought were important find their way into a trash bag.  I find that I don’t miss them either, so their importance has faded and is no longer needed.

The same can be said about the piles in my mind. There is junk floating around up there that just clouds up or fogs up the important stuff.  There are times I use that junk to protect myself from the other, but that doesn’t last too long when I realize what I am doing and start (figuratively) throwing the junk away.  Last year I started writing my personal memoir, I called people, wrote letters, contacted them on social media and I asked permission to include them or someone they loved in the book.  It was a time spent in a great deal of retrospection.  I wrote a lot, wrote about bad stuff that a child should never have to endure, but I wasn’t keeping it balanced.  Not everything in my childhood was bad, there were some really great memories that weren’t getting equal justice.  So I sat the book aside for a while to do more research and memory gathering.

Then I hit a major roadblock.  Some much needed information is not available unless I want to fork out a great deal of money to retrieve it; over $1000 dollars.  I had to decide to let it go.  That was a hard decision to make as I want and need that information to finish the book, but I am not willing to pay the price to read the words that were said by others in a court of law.  By letting it go, I was able to put the chaos in my mind to rest a little too.  Am I disappointed about not having that information, you bet, but I have found that it is not the end all and be all of my writing.  I can find a way to work around the missing pieces.

It’s amazing what writing about something so terrible in your life does for you, my brain is calmer, I don’t have as much junk floating around up there as I once did. Now I have other junk that is taking up space.  Junk that I need to write about which will be in my book, it will be a continuous healing process for me.  As I write about the junk, I will be including the good and the bad together so I don’t have to go back and make as many edits as in the first half of my book.

The more I write the more I find the chaos becoming less and less and my mind is open to more of the good stuff.  I am finding that I don’t have to enclose that memory in a corner of my mind, because I have released it to paper and it no longer is needed to be there to justify the who and what I am as a person.

May you someday be able to organize the chaos in your mind too.  It has been a blessed relief for me.


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Follow me on Twitter

Writing for Kids (While Raising Them)

Blog & website of children's book author Tara Lazar

Heather Mertens

Digital Media Consultant, iTraining, Freelance


~wandering through life in my time never know where it will stop next~

Chronically Batgirl Colours

Adult colouring books reviewed!

Darlington County Historical Commission

Working to preserve, protect and promote our rich history.

Inspired by Life ... and Fiction

Ten novelists bound by the pen, sisterhood, & more

Sarah Loudin Thomas AUTHOR

Appalachian Blessings

AlanaWPiper | Curating a Creative Life

creative living, photography, filmmaking, vintage style, travel, & family

Brave Girls Club

Life-Changing Fun for Women

Robin Lee Hatcher

Official Website of Award Winning Novelist Robin Lee Hatcher

Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth

Saving The World From Stupidity...One Blog At A Time


frightfully wondrous things happen here.

History Around Us

Exploring the Unique History of McKinney, Texas

K.M. Weiland

Author of Historical and Speculative Fiction

Memoir Notes

a blog for memoir writers

Random Writing Rants

Teaching Adults and Teens How to Get Published

Daily (w)rite


Totally Inspired Mind

Where Positive Minds Congregate and Beautiful Souls Shine

Simple Pleasures

Visual Poetry, Photography and Quotes

Me, My Magnificent Self

My Journey To Freedom

In The Courts of YHWH

Better than a thousand days elsewhere

I didn't have my glasses on....

A trip through life with fingers crossed and eternal optimism.


Joshua 1:5 - I will never leave you nor forsake you!


I Love to Read Books

chica and bubba

crayons, crawling, & craziness

Captain Jills Journeys

She sails the seven seas in search of FREEDOM


"A Blog worth reading "

Angels Bark

a blog about dogs and life

Adventure Habit

Seeking The Lord In All the Earth

The S Curve

What's Ahead, Lord Only Knows

Applied Faith

For Christians Applying Faith to Daily Life

Problems With Infinity

Confessions of a Delusional Maniac

Simple Life Abundant Life

Experiencing true JOY through faith, food, and family.

Quinn Creative

No one succeeds without excellent communication skills. Good writing is compelling. Good communication is convincing. Good training is rare. Welcome to QuinnCreative.

%d bloggers like this: