Just a Quick Hello

I just wanted to check in and say hello. I have been writing my book on and off all summer. Along with the writing I have been doing a little sleuthing. As I am writing about my childhood I wanted to make sure I had dates correct and times and places correct too. I have found some unexpected things along the way.

I am learning that time as seen in a child’s eyes is nothing like reality. Things that I remember seeming to take a really long time actually happened much quicker and much closer together. This time differential between my memories and the actual calendar has made me really dig down deep and remember things.  I just turned 48 this month. So looking back through the windows of time makes my memories of that time a little bit different. I kind of like having the cushions that I have created with the time differences. They give me a little bit of breathing room as I tackle the hard stuff.

I have had mixed responses about my writing of this book. Some people are cheering me on saying good for you. Your story may help someone else. Others are saying let the past stay the past, why go digging up stuff long forgotten. The only problem with that is they may have forgotten it, but I haven’t. And then I have had one person show total indifference, that one threw me a little since I expected more curiosity from this person about how I was going to write the book.

My progress is good, not quite where I was hoping to be by this time in the summer, but it is a steady push. Right now I have 32 chapters designated and written about 70 pages and 30,697 words. Of the chapters written, I have 24 of them mostly written. That means I am on the other side of halfway there. I say mostly because a lot of what I have been doing as I write this is go back and reread each chapter and add a little more here or there as the memory surfaces.  That is a little bit of the procrastination happening too, because the chapters I am avoiding are the really hard ones.  If I edit a little here or there I don’t have to tackle that memory and give it voice.  However, that procrastination will only last for a little while, the chapters need to be written to let the healing really begin.

This is like looking for a needle in a hay stack. Who knew all those memories were just locked away in this brain of mine. I will say that the writing of this book has been a healing process. There is a balance taking place between the good and the bad that I have not had before. I am not ashamed of my childhood, it was what made me the strong woman I am today. I want others who have gone through the same things I have to know that they are not alone, that they don’t have to give into the lifestyles that usually follow a childhood of abuse. They can stand tall, look the ones in the eyes that hurt them and say with confidence “I am better than you ever thought I could be. I don’t need or want your opinions of me. They are not who I am.”

Okay, that was a really long quick hello. Now back to writing and no more procrastinating. Have a great rest of your summer.


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