What if Moments

Sometimes I have those what if moments.  The ones that rattle around in my head.  What if this is done, will that happen.  Or maybe if I do this I will get that outcome.  Or I have complete conversations in my head with the person that I want to talk to and then I never really have to talk to that person because I have worked it all out without their input or help. Sometimes that is good, sometime not, it really depends on the situation that I am trying to work out and having the other persons input helps to clear up the situation.

There are other times when a situation happens.  Something out of my control and I wonder how what happened in that situation will affect me in mine.  Sometimes I am affected and other times I am not and I realize that I have worried for nothing.

Matthew 6:34 – Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I find that it is when the day has enough trouble of its own that I get more obsessive about what will happen and how I can control it.  So I start looking for answers.  When I do that I tend to make things worse.  I need to learn to continue to follow Celebrate Recovery’s Guidelines.
Principle 1:  Realize I’m not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.
“Happy are those who know that they are spiritually poor.”  Matthew 5:3
and

Step 1:  We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

“I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” Romans 7:18

There is the other extreme though sometimes.  Those time when I think if I just ignore it, it will go away.  But that never really works because whatever the it is rears its ugly head at the most unexpected moments.  And then I am right back in that circle of trying to control the situation.
There are other steps between Step 1 and Steps 10 & 11 below and we are supposed to take the steps in order, however I think these steps are important enough to actually do them throughout the recovery process.  One of the reasons for going into recovery was because we had something wrong some type of hurt, habit or hang-up.  Something that was driving us to the feet of Jesus in prayer for healing or recovery.  No matter how we look at our situation, if we ignore it the only person we are lying to is ourselves which is just as destructive to us mentally as it is to us physically.  The first step taken before walking in the front door of any recovery group is admitting we were wrong.  Hence my belief that both Steps 10 & 11 overlap all the others.  They are the two steps that you do constantly even when you don’t realize that you are doing them.
10 We continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!1 Corinthians 10:12
11 We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and power to carry that out.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.Colossians 3:16
and
Principle 7:  Reserve a time with God for self-examination, Bible reading, and prayer in order to know God and His will for my life and to gain the power to follow His will. (Steps 10 and 11)
I sometimes forget in my busy day to reserve this time, I wake up running and don’t stop until it is time to head to bed.  I find myself not listening for his guidance and his will.  But the amazing thing about God is even when I am not listening, he never stops trying to get my attention.  And what he has planned for me comes about even with my stubborn rebellion.
I am part of a small encouragement group that is trying to figure out what our God-sized Dreams are.  Some already know and are actively pursuing bringing them to fruition.  Others like me are still praying for guidance.  I have had little tugs on my heart the last couple years that keep telling me that I am supposed to give my testimony, write a book, and tell my story.  I found that after I gave my testimony for the first time a couple weeks ago those feelings/tugs are getting stronger.  Now all I need to do is find out how exactly I am supposed to fulfill this God-sized Dream.   I also need to give in and stop procrastinating about writing the book.  I have to stop worrying about the pain it is going to cause me as I dig up the memories.  That pain will go away when I empty that little part of my memory and I know that writing this book will be a cathartic time and allow me to have one more step closer to a recovery.
So now about those What if Moments.  What if I ignore these tugs and prompts, no one is going to get hurt by them.  Those that are around me will not have to live through the memories again, I can continue to keep it a secret.  Oh wait, I have let the cat out of the bag already by giving my testimony, even if it was just to a small group.  I have told someone else in a public setting.   The only one that will be hurt will be me if I don’t follow the direction that I feel I am being led in.  What if I told someone that I wanted to speak in public again, to give my testimony again?  Who would I tell?  It has to be a group that is outside the Celebrate Recovery community.  As much as I love them, there are others that need to hear my story and how Celebrate Recovery would be good for them too.  Do I wait until after I have written my book and am ready to share it? or do I start giving my testimony and then write the book along the way?  See that is why this God-sized Dream is so easy to procrastinate about.  What if I never give in and never achieve my God-sized Dream?  Will God be disappointed in my or will he still say … ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ Matthew 25:21
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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. CharleneMcD
    Jun 06, 2014 @ 21:59:14

    I am going to continue this topic in my next post. What if Moments Part 2. I hope you will read it when it is posted. There have been a lot of God moments this week.

    Like

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  2. livingjoel225
    Jun 06, 2014 @ 09:40:24

    Oh how I can relate to this post!! And I try to remind myself God doesn’t expect me to do it perfectly, but still it’s so hard to step out and begin…struggling with that too. I am praying He will take us both by the hand! 🙂

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