Celebrating Post #100

I tried to think of something special to post for my 100th post and all I did was sit around procrastinating.  I started out writing this blog many years ago with monthly postings of chapters of a book I wrote way back in 1999.  I thought I would be finished with my blog when I finished those chapters but after posting 19 chapters I found myself hooked.  So I branched out and started posting other things.  I posted personal stuff that I have never talked about before, book reviews, poems and just random thoughts.  I submitted posts to other people blogs, I developed online friendships with many other bloggers out there.  I have read lots and lots of other blogs and being the self critic that I am I find my blog wanting and I question my talent.  Then I remember, I am writing to explore my talents.  I don’t have a deadline, or an editorial jam trying to publish a book.  I can take my time and write just for me, to get my jumbled up thoughts organized and perfect just for me in that moment in time.

I love that my blog is now reaching more people. That means that something that I have to say has meaning to someone else besides me.  I still find that I am leery of opening myself up to criticism, but the more I open up the more relaxed I become in my own writing skin.  The book that I shared on here so long ago was fiction.  I wrote it just to see if I could right after I graduated from college.  I even attempted to have it published, I had an agent and everything.  But alas it was never selected by any publishing house.  At times I wish it had been one of those that had been selected to be published, but I am really glad it wasn’t.  While I love to travel, I find the thought of getting up in front of people to talk is very nerve wracking.  I can get up and teach you how to use a computer, but just getting up and talking about other stuff almost terrifies me.  I get that fight or flight feeling and I really want to choose flight.

Not too long ago I stepped way out of my comfort zone.  I stood up in front of a group of men and women and gave my testimony for the first time ever.  I think that is the same day that I almost ran out of gas on the way to the church.  I know that God has a sense of humor, but I found out that night that he likes a joke or two also.  I knew that my gas was low, and I said some mixed prayers:  “Please let me run out of gas so I don’t get there and I can call and cancel”.  Then in the next breath “Please don’t let me run out of gas, because I really need to get there.  I can’t let them down.”  My gas light came on one block away from the church.  I didn’t run out before I got there and I still had enough to get gas the next day…God has his timing in everything.

I have had some really vivid dreams since that day, dreams of standing in front of a variety of large groups giving my testimony again.  But in my dreams I am confident.  I am not holding on to the podium like it is going to save my life.  I walk around on the stage with poise and confidence and speak with such conviction.  I know that I will be giving my testimony again.  My story is not unique, but it is my story and I am the only one that can tell it.  So all I can do is pray that when the time is right, the right person will be contacting me to set it up.  I will know it is right simply because of the confidence I will feel when talking to that person.

I say all this because after my testimony I had several people tell me that I should write a book about my story.  This is something that I am praying about all the time.  If it is meant to be, than it will happen.  I will have to do a lot of work and much soul searching as I dig into my past and reveal it in a way that heals rather than hurts.  I never want what I write to hurt someone else and if it ever does, I have not done it intentionally.

Okay, so my 100th post has been a disjointed jumble of a mixture of thoughts.  Much like some of my other posts.  The words go where they lead me, and that is much the way life is.  Jumping from one thing to the next as the day goes by, sometimes completing the project, sometimes putting it off till another day.  All I can say is thank you for joining me in my travels through blogging, I look forward to the next 100 posts.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Chatter Master
    May 21, 2014 @ 05:49:13

    Me too. 🙂

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  2. mewhoami
    May 21, 2014 @ 01:50:26

    Maybe sharing your testimony in front of everyone was getting you prepared for discussing it in front of readers once your book is published (if you decide to publish). It’s hard not to compare our writing to other writers, but yours is great and is uniquely yours. That’s why we enjoy it. Congratulations on your 100th post!

    Like

    Reply

    • CharleneMcD
      May 21, 2014 @ 07:40:14

      Thank you so much. Before I can get it published I need to write it. That is something that I will really need to schedule time to do. I know that writing it is going to be hard and the tears will be flowing. Which means that my husband will be trying to fix it, so I will need to write in a separate room from him. Logistics and planning.

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      Reply

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