Procrastination or Is It?

I have several things that I really should be doing right now.  I should be reading my book club book, after all time is winding down and we will be meeting soon.  I should be finishing some drawings that I promised last year, but I have not done them.  I have them in the prep stage.  They are so very ready to go, I just need to start putting pencil to paper and get them started.  I should be writing another blog post, but I put it off.  Before I know it almost two weeks have passed.  I have committed to reading the bible in a year, but I put off reading until later.  Later comes and later goes and then I am far behind.

According to Dictionary.com the word procrastination means: the act or habit of procrastinating, or putting off or delaying, especially something requiring immediate attention.

I do that with a lot of personal things.  I set a goal and then wait as long as possible to finish it.  This weekend I cannot tell you how many times I thought of that blog post that I want to write, but just knowing how personal it is, I have put it off.  In fact I have put it off so well, I am writing a different post.  I promise myself I will write it, after all I am the one that has decided that it needs to be done.  And I really feel that it will be a healing process to get this story out of my mind and “Release” the damage that it has done.

One of my blogging friends has created a series of letters that she will be publishing every Saturday.  You can find them here:  http://mythoughtsonapage.com/category/a-series-of-letters/  As part of my healing process I wrote one for her and at first I wanted to keep it anonymous, no one would have to know that it came from me.   But another part of my healing process will be sharing more of my story now.   I am preparing to eventually give my testimony, and I feel that the more I talk to strangers in writing, the easier it will be to talk to a room filled with strangers later.  I am hoping that my letter will be published next weekend, but if it isn’t that is fine.  The person or persons that really need to read what I have written will be there to read it when it is published.

Procrastination is so limiting in its definition.  Is it really procrastination or is it a protective shield that you have placed around you.  If that thing that really needs to be done is something that takes you really far out of your comfort zone, what ever it is;  are you stalling because you are afraid to fail?  Or are you stalling because you might get embarrassed? Or are you stalling because you are afraid of criticism?  Or maybe you are stalling because it is something that you know you will be good at but that one person you know that does it too will get mad because you did it better?  Or are you competing against yourself? – I couldn’t do it before, so I might as well not try now because I will get the same results.  Most of these are self-talk – you have talked yourself into or out of doing something all by yourself just because you are afraid of what might be.

That is part of my problem with writing that post, it is about something that happened so long ago and never told anyone about.  I didn’t know just how much of a hold it had on me until recently when I finally told someone about it.  I am procrastinating on writing it because I know the emotional toll it will take on me.  And then when I publish it I know that the one person that I really want to read it will and will understand so much more about that time.   But I am going to procrastinate for another day on that one.

For now, I am going to stop the procrastinating about my bible reading.  I wish you all a great week, Matthew here I come.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. tric
    Jan 21, 2014 @ 11:32:08

    You are an amazing lady. Your letter will be published Sat evening. You deserve time procrastinating. Best wishes.

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  2. Miriam Dixon
    Jan 20, 2014 @ 21:12:35

    Charlene, Who knew reading the book of Matthew would be the fire under you to make the flames leap up and “getterdone!” You will love Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
    Change your “P” word to “PERSEVERVE”!!

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    Reply

    • CharleneMcD
      Jan 20, 2014 @ 21:33:13

      Thanks Miriam, I have caught up. I only have 3 more chapters to read. I read Matthew before, but forgot he was a tax collector, it’s not very story like in the telling.

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      Reply

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