Unanswered Questions

There are times when life happenings leave you with nothing but more questions.  In fact most of life’s lessons are learned well through asking questions and getting answers.  Children are the best at asking questions.  Why? is the answer to almost every answer you give them.  Why do birds fly?  Because they have wings.  Why?  Because that is how they are made.  Why?  Because God wanted them to be that way.  Why? Because, because,  because.

But there are times when you will never get the answer to Why?.    When the door is closed tightly and nothing else will ever be learned or understood.  My family recently went through a great loss when my nephew passed away.  My sister will never have the answers to Why?  and my heart breaks every time I think that question in regard to her.  There will always be unanswered questions.  The only time she will get those answers is when she joins him in heaven and he can finally tell her the answers to all her why questions.

Sometimes I wonder if the not knowing is better than the knowing.  We can speculate all the time about what really took place or what that person was thinking in those last moments.  But I wonder if knowing would only serve to create more heartache because then we would truly know that there was absolutely nothing that could be done to reset the clock and change the outcome.  The loss of a family member through suicide is devastating.  I truly never thought it would affect anyone in my family.  There is always that thought deep in the back of my mind “Oh, not my family, maybe someone elses family, but never mine.”

Now, I know that suicide affects everyone.  That person is someone you know, someone you  love, someone you grew up with.  They are a family member, a friend, a neighbor, a co-worker.  They share the bus with you, ride on the plane with you, drive in the next car.  There is no where you can look, no one you can look at, that has not been affected in one way or another by someone who has committed suicide.

What an ugly word “SUICIDE!”  It is another of the whispered words, much like the word cancer.  It is the one that you don’t want anyone else to hear.  The one that will always leave you with unanswered questions.  This is the one that causes people to try to place blame on others…she did this to him/her, or he did that to him/her, or they caused this…otherwise that person would not of done that.  But just like anything else in life be it good or bad, only one person can make a choice for you and that person is you.  You can choose to walk away from the things that aren’t working or you can choose not too.  No one can take that choice from you.

Please, from the heart of a broken-hearted aunt…seek help if you are thinking of throwing in the towel permanently.  You may think that your going away forever will solve everything, it doesn’t.  Those people in your life that have spent a lifetime loving you will never have peace.  They will never understand why.  And those unanswered questions will always remain unanswered, even if you leave a note behind.

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-784-2433

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